Monday, June 28, 2010

I guess it was meant to be this way .

I dance myself to the hallways . I was laughing and smiling at that moment until i turned . I was speechless . I was stunned . I do not know what to do . My eyes was focus on it . I doubt it was true and yes it is true . The beautiful eyes wouldn't deny the fact . It was a surprise . A big surprise for me . I had butterflies in my stomach . My vein was rushing up and down while my heart was beating up faster and faster . It's like the first time it saw it . Yes , it was wonderful . I couldn't explain my feelings but what i knew i had a mixture feelings in me . It's all about hate , love , revenge , pain , but it more towards miss . It's all about what i used to had with it . Oh , well it is still the same . Never changed . Wait , may be a little . It's the personalities . Other than that , it's all the same . Whenever i think about the past , i feel like struggle myself or hit myself back . If they were to ask me about the feelings , it's still there . It never fade . It's not that i didn't try . I did . I did tried hard , very hard and i thought i'm already success . I thought i'm already over it . I hate myself when i think about it . Feeling started to fade bit by bit when i think about the way it left , it died . When i think about the words it spoke to me , it died . When i think about the hate , it died . When i think about the way it treated me , it died . When i think about the pain , it died . But then , there are still some parts that are still alive . The memories . That's the only thing left . I cry to bed when i think about it , but it's over , it's past . Now i wonder , was it meant to be in this way ?

Saturday, June 26, 2010

When It Was Me

No , I'm not jealous , No I'm Not
I just want everything she's got
You looked at her you so amazed
I remember way back when you use to looked at me that way
Tell me what makes her so much better than me
What makes she your everything I can't never be
What makes she your every dreaming fantasy
Because I can't remember When It Was Me .

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Dalam Kenangan

Tarikh permergian Nenekda Tersayang buat selamanya .
; Thank you for all your love ,
Thank you for teaching me how to read Al - Quran ,
Thank you for taking care of me from the day i come to your house until the day you went away .
Semoga arwah Nenekda ditempatkan bersama orang - orang yang beriman .
I will never forget you . Never .
Al - Fatihah
Sharifah Mariam Bt . Sharifah Alimah

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Trying to sleep with a broken heart .

I never like Father's Day . I never celebrate it ever since he left . To me , Father's Day is so meaningless . It's like dad doesn't exist in this world but actually he's around . Just thousand miles away . I hope he's doing fine .

The last time we celebrated Father's Day together when i was 5 year old . That's like 14 years ago . I still remember things we did together . We used to made cookies and it doesn't taste like one at all . You used to take me out for a ride whenever i make noise and doesn't want to stay at home . You bought me lots of toys , barbie dolls , polly pockets everytime when we went out . You took us out for dinner every weekends to our fave seafood and western restaurant . Somewhere at Ampang , KL . I still remember . You took us for holidays though is not somewhere in overseas but we had fun together and we cherised every moments we had until the day you left me and Mama . Incident that i will never forget . I had hard time at that moment . It wasn't easy for me until today . To not have you by my side whenever i need you .

The last time we talked on the phone was last end month of February and the last time i met you when i was 17 before you left to Dubai . After that nobody knows what happened to you . No text reply from you , no phone calls , no e-mails . You disappeared yourself from me and until today i do not know what was the caused . Daddy , i know that you will never read my blog , but i wish one day you will read this post . I love you dad . I really do . I love you from the day i was born , from the day i started to called you " Daddy " , from the day you hold me in your arms until the day you left me . I still love you . I never hate , although my tongue keep on saying it a lot but daddy trust me i never hate , i was just disappointed . Every day and night whenever i think of you , i cry myself to sleep . I just miss you so much . I just want to see you or at least talk to you but you never asnwer my calls . Daddy , i swear it hurts me . Father's Day meant nothing to me because i never had a chance to celebrate it with you like other daughters in the world did with their lovely dads .

I Love You Daddy from the bottom of my broken heart .

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Letters to Hanni ?

Thank you Mellisa & Stephanie for the fun outing and movie .
We had ' FUN ' crying right ?
The movie touched my heart but i still prefer A Walk To Remember tho !
Can you move ?
Only my lips are moving ;)

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Does it Matter to You ?

I forgot the way how to fall in love ,
I forgot the feeling how it feels like to be love ,
I forgot the feeling of getting a first kiss ,
I forgot how butterflies flying around in my stomach ,
I forgot how it feels like to touch someone ,
because ..
The only thing i remember is how it feels like to be hurt .
The feeling is super Awesome .
It's Unbearable .
Yes , I'm hurt .
Thank you :)